by Rabbi Benzion Greiper
We mentioned about creating a home, creating one’s self and keeping routines and being creative and positive. A person has to be ready when he walks into the house to make any sort of peace as soon as possible.
If by chance a person is [verbally] “attacked”, so to speak, you have to think to yourself: if you win the argument, you’ll lose, and if you’ll lose the argument, you’ll lose.
Husband and wife are the pillars to the home , and when arguments go back and forth, the pillar is broken. One partner responds and the other is quiet. Like we mentioned on the subway two people, one’s yelling at the other, the other one’s quiet, it all looks normal.
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There are so many different responses. Just keep in quiet. She has to let it out for a minute. Apologize, apologize. Afterwards you have to go over and see what happened. Maybe she lost it a little bit, but why?
Then you have to chap it, you know she’s having hard days. So maybe leave her some little notes in the morning. Make little phone calls on the way home. When you come in, come home with a bouquet or a book once in a while. When you come home — “You sit down, sweetheart! I’ve taken over!”
After a while she knows you’re the superman and you’re the person taking care of this, you’re giving the stability the home. The children too will feel it.
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Right or wrong is not the issue, shalom is the issue
Keeping quiet is not the only reaction; you might have to say sorry or do something more. But it’s urgent not to respond back. As soon as the other person responds,, the world crumbles. You don’t win, no matter what. The only way you can respond is in the way of feelings: “I’m sorry it hurts!” Let your mate see your feelings.
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Right or wrong is not the issue, shalom is the issue. When a person works on this, he will create a happy home, because the mate has a day, has a hard day, lets it out. The children see again, Mom’s a little upset today. Papa’s a little upset today. A lot of days. It’s a hard day.
When a person responds by making peace as soon as possible, you’ll see in time that there will be a lot more peace and you create a happy home. When there’s friction and going back and forth, it’s hard to create anything. Remember, make peace as soon as possible.