by Rabbi Benzion Greiper
Continuing on the topic of good marriages, it’s urgent to keep routines, because along with the first commandment of being realistic and expecting the unexpected, a person to keep routines.
There are many ways to again have a routine. Walk in to your home at the end of the day with a routine of a big hello and wanting to help, maybe you give her a tea. Create a situation with the routine of really looking after, really listening to her.
Routine is also the things we say: encourage, encourage, encourage! When she says something, say, “Yes, sure!” You’ll see, even if she is a little grumpy, a little harsh, your way of being will have an effect on her..
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I once got a call, “We’re twenty-two years married and I can’t take my husband! He comes home, and he’s always grumpy. I can’t take it anymore!”
So I said to her, I got this from Rebbentzen Brog, “When he comes home, give him a smile first. You give him the big hello first.”
She called me back the next day, “Wow, it was the best night I ever had!”
During the day, a nice phone call; “What can I do when I come home? What could I get you?”
Start in the morning, a nice note every day is spectacular: “Have a good day!” Even if the relationship is not so hot, “Have a good day!” Next day, “I’m looking forward to seeing you later, have a good day!” And during the day, a nice phone call; “What can I do when I come home? What could I get you?”
On Shabbas, thank her for every bean in the cholent. Tell the children privately, thank Mommy for the cholent, thank Mommy for this. Go in the kitchen and help, go in the kitchen and give Mommy a kiss. So it’s urgent to begin positive, creative routines that create a happy home, and you’ll see success.