Conquer Parenting Challenges by Creating a Structure of Peace in the Home

by Rabbi Benzion Greiper

​A father told me, I see my son speaks to my wife, just like I speak to my wife. And he likes it. He said he sees his son cleaning up the same way he cleans up. He observes that his daughters are like the mother. The mother was a chessedike lady, a giving person; now all of a sudden his daughter is out helping people, doing babysitting.
 
Parents have to understand: you’re creating a generation. It’s important to impart this to the children. You have to create a no tension zone in the home. When you come in the house, share only divrei chizzuk (encouraging words) with everybody. And along divrei chizzuk, “Yes, yes dear! Yes, sure!” Be ready to help everybody.

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The father said, “You just give him kisses to go to sleep and kisses to wake up in the morning, I’ll be the one to talk.”

It gives your wife strength to know she can talk to you. “Chayalle had trouble waking up in the morning… Chayalle didn’t want to go to sleep last night.” These are very important issues. Many times for the wife, the morning is the hardest time, getting the children up. And they come home, it’s time for supper, homework and eventually going to sleep. 

​I know a boy fourteen years old. The mother had a lot of trouble with this boy: couldn’t get him to sleep until two o’ clock! The father said, “You just give him kisses to go to sleep and kisses to wake up in the morning, I’ll be the one to talk.” The child saw the parents were on the same page. I don’t know if it changed too much as far as his waking up on time and going to sleep on time, but the relationship with the mother was tremendous. The boy comes home from yeshiva now and he helps her in the kitchen.
 
So we have to understand, to create a calmness with the lady again with the lady to attention. Give her a lot of attention, a lot of appreciation a lot of affection. Give and give and give her. There is so much pulling at everyone today that we’re never good enough, never have enough. It’s very hard. The only saviour is the home. The home. And that’s where the father comes in, Abba comes in, Ah, everything’s okay. They’ll feel it internally and all the other things will calm down. It might take a little while, but then you’re creating an eternal structure of peace, love and tranquillity for the next generation