Ask Rabbi Miller: Who's To Blame If Jews Are Alienated from Judaism?

From Midos: Finding Favor in Hashem's Eyes (#579)

Q: Is the frum community not partially responsible for today’s alienation [of some Jews] from Judaism?

A: There’s no question everybody is responsible for his fellow man. "Kol Yisrael areivim zeh l’zeh — We’re all guarantors for our fellow Jews." And even the biggest reshaim (evil people) when they do misdeeds the guilt is shared by all of Yisrael. However we have to beware of unduly blaming the frum Jews.

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What nobility we see! How grand is the lifestyle of today’s frum communities!

There is a certain attitude of enjoying knocking the frum Jewish community. We have to study this and know there is a certain anti-Semitism in Jews themselves. When Jews knock the frum community it’s nothing but an echo of anti-Semitism in their own hearts. We 
have to spend a lot of time studying the virtues of the frum community and appreciating that.

What nobility we see! How grand is the lifestyle of today’s frum communities! When you walk in the streets and you see young women with big families. They’re sacrificing everything in order to bring up a generation. And the little boys all wear yarmulkas and tzitzis out, little girls are so frum dressed. We have to love the frum community. You have to appreciate them.

It’s an unusual phenomenon to see people who can ignore the environment and live according to their ideals, and their ideals are the noblest that mankind ever saw. You know how many people are giving one tenth of their property for tzedaka (charity)? Can you equal that anywhere? They keep taharas hamishpacha (family purity laws). Their houses are completely kosher. Expensive mezuzahs in every doorway. Expensive tuition for the children in the yeshivas and Bais Yaakov. These people are sacrificing and laboring for their ideals, and they’re loyal.

Certainly it’s our job to reach out and to bring in people. Nevertheless we have to be aware this [blaming frum Jews] may be a symptom of a weakness of responding to the outside attitudes towards the frum. We have an obligation to love the frum Jews and look up to them and understand that it was a nes (miracle) that in the last 30 years there emerged a frum modern Jewish community.

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​It could be sometimes here and there there is a frum Jew who is dishonest. You hear there is a frum Jew who doesn’t have good manners. But by and large they are the best people in the world.