...Besides all the things that are mentioned in Masechta Kesubos or elsewhere in the entire Shas, besides all these obligations, there’s a great unwritten kesubah that stands in the background, which is included in the obligations of kesubah.
The gemara says, “V’ahavta l’rayacha kamocha — a man is obligated to love his wife like himself,” an obligation that stands behind the whole marriage. A man should not marry a woman he doesn’t like, because he won’t be able to fulfill v’ahavta l’rayacha kamocha. So once he marries her, he better get busy, because...
Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, “If you love Me, then you have to love My people."
...the obligation is upon him and he must fulfill the law of the Torah, even though it’s not spelled out in the kesubah.
If a woman says, “I hate my husband,” she is making a cardinally maximal sin. You can’t hate your husband. Even if you do, you shouldn’t say it. You’re mechuyav (obligated) to love your husband. You have to work on it. When you see your husband, a fat old fellow, waddling in the street, you have to say I love that man. If you see him through the window, I love that man. You have to work on it. If you do it, hachitzonius m’oreres es hapenimius (the outside stirs the inside), little by little she gains that feeling.
Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, “If you love Me, then you have to love My people, and the fact that he’s your husband obligates you to concentrate on him more than anybody else.” Hashem loves fat short people. If they’re Jews, shomrei Torah, He loves them intensely, more than anything in the world. So the fact that it’s your husband doesn’t mean he’s deprived of that right. You should love him too. Halevai you should love him a fraction of what Hashem loves him.
You see your wife walking in the street, she gave you a good tongue lashing when she walked out of the house. You’re still angry. You see her walking, say I love that woman. I’m mekayeim v’ahavta l’rayacha kamocha. You have to work on it. Then Hakadosh Baruch Hu will give you reward because, you have to know that this is part of the kesubah, even though it’s not stated. That’s serious.
You’ll bless My people, I’m going to bless you...
It states in the Torah, “U’mevorechecha baruch,” anybody who gives a blessing to a fellow Jew, to a frum Jew, he’s going to be blessed. It’s a tremendous contract that Hashem made. You’ll bless My people, or bless one of My people, I’m going to bless you. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu keeps His contract.
So therefore, when the husband blesses his wife, she doesn’t have to hear it. He should always be thinking, “I’m blessing my wife — a bracha on her head! My wife should be happy and healthy!” You say it to her, no harm, but you have to think these words and say these words and Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, “That’s your duty and I’m going to give you the benefit of those words.”
If she thinks of her husband in ways of blessing and she says blessings on him, if they keep on blessing each other, of course it’s even better if they hear it from each other, they should so shelo b’panav and b’panav, but it’s important to bless a fellow Jew. And which fellow Jew should you concentrate on most? On your wife, on your husband. – The Unwritten Kesubah (#E-094)