A Practical Guide to Hakaras Hatov

by Tova Younger

When we read biographies of great people, a common theme is hakaras hatov (gratitude) to all kinds of people and even animals. There is a stirring story told about Rav Gustman, ztz”l, a Rosh Yeshiva who was always careful to water his plants personally. He did so because herbs and vegetables had sustained him during the war.

Our challenge is to inculcate this middah within ourselves... 

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Gratefulness is an internal quality that is not dependent on others

By acting out our hakaros hatov toward everyone we interact with, we can build up to truly feeling gratitude to Hashem.

It’s relatively easy to work on this, since gratefulness is an internal quality that is not dependent on others. That is, we can be proactive and express gratefulness whenever we like; we needn’t wait for a stimulus. Here are some ideas on how to get into the mindset of thinking gratitude:

• Begin by removing the “they owe me” attitude. Tell yourself again and again, until you truly believe it, “No one owes me anything.” That includes, but isn’t limited to, your spouse, parents, children and neighbors.
• As you begin any tefillah or recite any brachah, such as over food, take a minute to truly thank Hashem for something, preferably related to the tefillah, but not necessarily.
• Further develop your hakaros hatov by delving into every detail of anything from which you benefit. Enjoying an orange? Cup of coffee? Peanut butter? Rabbi Avigdor Miller, ztz”l, teaches that we can contemplate in detail how brilliantly Hashem has designed the world and of the many people we must be grateful to for even these “simple” luxuries. Think about all the workers and processes that were involved in enabling you to enjoy any item. You’ll create an extensive list of people to whom you can feel grateful. Thank them and thank Hashem for guiding it all.

Delving into every detail of anything from which you benefit

• Family comes first. Your husband and children will greatly benefit from daily gratitude; it’s as important as a daily vitamin!
• Think of people who have helped you in some way in the past. Pick up the phone or write a note to a teacher, an old mentor or friend, employee, roommate, and thank them.
• Need more opportunities? Create situations with your loved ones so that you can thank them afterwards. Ask for advice, borrow something or make some small request. Now you have fresh ingredients to work with. Or realize that whatever success you have in life, although you may not wish to think of it this way, very likely can be attributed to what your parents (and/or siblings) have done. Even if you have negative feelings toward them, you can, with some effort, reframe and cultivate feelings of gratitude. 

When people thank us, our reaction is a desire to do more. The same holds true with our relationship to Hashem. The more we thank Him, the more bracha He wants to give us. Rabbi Avigdor Miller states that one reason Hashem afflicts us is simply to hear from us. When we fill our day with praises to Him, He has no need to get our attention.
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Excerpted from Hands-on How-to’s for the Home and Heart: Tips and Techniques to Enhance your Life.